Friends
By Volodymyr Kish
We human beings are
social creatures. Aside from hermits and
psychopaths, we yearn for companionship and the warmth and pleasure that a good
relationship with others usually brings. Good friends, as my friend Fr. Bohdan Haldio
would say, are one of the most treasured blessings that God can bestow upon us.
Friends are intrinsically
different from family, though there may be an overlap in the nature of our interactions
with and feelings for them. As much as we
can love and appreciate our family and relatives, we have no real say as to the
familial clan we are born into. Relatives can be a blessing or a curse, but they
are of our genetic flesh and blood and whatever the underlying nature of our rapport
with them, or lack thereof, we are obligated by tradition and morality to be loyal
and patient with them, whether that is reciprocated or not. Paradoxically, we may “love” certain members of
our family without necessarily being “friends” with them.
Friends, on the other
hand, are individuals with whom we freely choose to establish a special bond. This may be done in early youth and last our whole
lives through, or it may happen serendipitously at any point during our lifetime.
Friendships are often unpredictable, and
the dynamics involved are virtually impossible to analyze and explain through rational
scientific means.
More often than not,
friends like us not necessarily for who we are, but in spite of who we are. True friends tolerate our foibles and weaknesses
and allow us to be our genuine selves, at least for the times we spend with them.
Being with friends engenders a special feeling
of security, comfort and trust, a feeling that comes from being in an environment
where we feel free of the stresses of living up to a certain role or image, whether
that be self-induced or thrust upon us from the society and environment in which
we live.
Friendship, of course,
can cover a broad spectrum of intimacy from the deep bonds between “best friends”
to the more superficial links that characterize casual acquaintances. Defining friendship is obviously not an easy matter,
though most people would agree that inherent in the concept are such ideals as honesty,
trust, reciprocity, respect, empathy, affection and mutual support. Unfortunately, in the era of Facebook and
other social networking fads, the term has been somewhat abused and the concept
has suffered a significant degree of inflation and devaluation. Can one truly have hundreds of “friends”, collecting
them as some form of virtual game on the Internet?
To the Ancient Greeks
and Romans, friendship constituted a special form of “love” based on, as
Friendship, like love,
is best enjoyed without trying to dissect the why's, what's and wherefores. I have been blessed with more than my fair share
of good friends in my lifetime and they are the substance and reason for the vast
troves of precious memories that I have accumulated during my lifetime. I have lived in many places and travelled widely,
and I can assure you that the times that I have felt the most happy, have been those
where I have been blessed with good friends. Good friends will help you survive
troubled times, misfortune, bad luck, calamity, illness, stress, depression, danger
and all sorts of personal ills. They will
support you in good times and bad, and help shore up your reservoirs of spiritual
hope and self-confidence.
My eldest daughter
once came up with an inspired observation on all the people one meets in one’s lifetime.
Her thesis was that there are two types of
people in this world – those that give you energy and those that suck energy from
you. Your friends will always share their
energy with you without asking for anything in return but for your company. If you have people in your life who consistently
give you energy, be grateful to them – they are your friends.
And to all my friends
out there who have shared their special individual energies with me, a heartfelt
thank you to you all.